Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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