Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
