this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
