btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
