I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she smelled like a LAN party
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
