remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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