I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
