i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
