I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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