i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
