my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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