Your face is a jimmy john
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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