So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
