shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
