I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What drink are we having for lunch?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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