Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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