Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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