i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
