are you still at the devil's house?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
