grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
