Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
