You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i don't like sucking hair
no, he came in my armpit
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
