we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
