So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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