You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
