Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
