Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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