Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
