I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
