Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
