my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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