thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Welp...herpes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
