Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Say something about gay babies.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
