First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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