um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
