I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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