good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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