my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
