There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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