Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
