Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will pee on everything he values.
Boobs speak an international language.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
