I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
