Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
