i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
