I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want a musical about memes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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