I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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