I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
