Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
