In the future we'll all be gay
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
