You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
