whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
