??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
