Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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