I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
