mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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