dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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