Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
