I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
