By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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