You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
