We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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