I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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