Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
