He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
