they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
