Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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